I view the death of one’s baby/child as one of the deepest griefs a human will experience. I believe we are wired to move with grief, but I also strongly believe American culture fails us in teaching us and allowing this to happen. Few of us have community, support and/or role models on how to “do” deep grief. Therapy can be a place to normalize the complexities of this experience, while helping you know you’re not going “crazy.”

I view the death of one’s baby as a traumatic loss. This wasn’t supposed to happen. A parent is not supposed to outlive their child. Due to this out-of-order death, it is often a traumatic experience. A parent’s brain and body work to make sense of how this could have happened, and one often loops through these thoughts and feelings as there is no sense to be made. Therapy can be a place to help move through the trauma that happens along with the grief.

What was supposed to be a joyous occasion has turned into any parent’s worst nightmare – the death of your child. It is this horrible, devastating and wrong. It is on out-of-order loss. Therapy is a place to help support you on your grief journey, honoring the life and death of your child, while tending to all the things are you experiencing. It is a place to carry what cannot be fixed. I am here to accompany you on your unique grief and parenting journey. To support you in your postpartum time, to help you navigate a year of firsts, to integrate your child into the rest of your life, in way that works for you. I support individuals and couples in this deep deep loss, no matter if your loss was recent or years ago.

For many, the early stage of pregnancy is a time of much hope and anticipation, while looking ahead to your EDD to welcome your child into your life. Instead, the worst has happened – the heart-wrenching loss of your baby. Others around you may not fully understand an earlier pregnancy loss, and they may not even know about your loss if you had not shared your pregnancy news yet. This isolation can add another layer to the grief process. Your emotions may include anger, rage, grief, uncertainty, fear, guilt and despair. Therapy is a place to come and receive support while expressing your emotions, thoughts and feelings as you navigate life without this child/ren.

This is a heart-breaking and gut-wrenching decision to be faced with as a parent. “Being told your baby is very, very unwell is every parent’s worst nightmare. Then, having to make a decision to end the pregnancy, and your baby’s life, really is beyond what any parent should ever have to do,” – Zara, @littlenorfolkcottage.

Resources and support around this decision are incredibly limited, leaving many parents feeling guilty and/or ashamed about their decision. Add on top of that a political climate that is rife with judgement and a parent is even more alone, and in some states, unable to make the decision they need to to care for their family. In our work together my goal is to create a safe space for you to grieve your loss and the heartbreaking decision you had to make.

This is often a time full of anxiety and mixed emotions. You may feel nervous, scared and terrified of losing another child. You may feel hopeful with moments of joy as you imagine life with this living child. I let clients know I have no goal of getting rid of anxiety during pregnancy after a loss(es). I do, however, want to find ways to help move with the anxiety, grief and trauma that is present during this time so you can tap into moments of hope, joy and planning ahead.

PMADs (perinatal mood and anxiety disorders) are at increase with a history of loss(es). Therapy is a place to help be with your previous loss(es), while keeping an eye on your mental health so we can help manage a possible mood disorder during this time. I also hold much curiosity about how grief presents similarly to anxiety and depression. Perhaps you aren’t experiencing anxiety or depression, and instead you are grieving.

I haven’t met a loss parent yet that doesn’t feel like a failure. I often hear women talk about how their bodies failed them, how they should have known something was wrong, and how much they mistrust their bodies after loss(es). I often hear from men how they feel like they failed their partner and child(ren) in not being able to keep them safe, and not able to protect them from harm. In therapy we name and honor these feelings. We allow them to be there, and I begin to question if these feelings are accurate. Perhaps these feelings are a part of the grief and trauma process.

The loss of one’s child(ren) is often an isolating loss. Few people receive enough support. Many of those around loss parents do not know how to talk about the death of one’s baby, so they don’t say anything, or they rely on what feels like painful and ill-attuned cliches. As a babyloss mama, I bring my personal and professional expertise and experience to our sessions together, so you know and feel that you are not alone. While I cannot carry your grief for you, I can help carry it with you.

After the death of one’s baby/babies, many loss parents report experiencing doubt, fear and loss of trust – in themselves and in the world around them. This is due to the very worst having happened to you. Let’s be honest, the death of one’s child(ren) is any parent’s worst nightmare. You are living this nightmare. You have experienced bad things happen. The illusion of control you once held may now be crushed. Many loss parents report experiencing fear that their partner may die, other living children may die, and they themselves may die, leaving loved ones behind that cannot cope with their death. Based on your experience, these fears are real. Therapy is a place to help name these fears, to grieve the loss of the illusion of control you once held, and to find ways that support you in your new reality. While these experiences are devastating, you are here, and you have this one precious life to live. I’m here to help you do that.

Every child changes their parents’ lives and their parents’ relationships. This is true whether your baby is alive, or whether they died. Of course the changes are very different if your baby died. Together in therapy we will talk about the impact the death of your child(ren) has on your relationships, and what will help support you and your relationships as integrate this deep loss into your life and the life of your family.

For clients that want to include a spiritual perspective, we will do so. For some, meaning is found in including this perspective in our work together. I am a huge fan of being with the intense grief first and finding/creating meaning-making through a spiritual perspective later, as one is ready. This may happen early on, or it may be years in the making.

Walk With Me – “Walk With Me is devoted to giving practical, financial and emotional support to families who are learning to live in the wake of their child’s death prior to or shortly after birth. It is our mission to provide refuge for grieving families and help them break through barriers that stand in the way of hope.” Source: Walk With Me Homepage

Dragon Flies for Ruby – “Dragonflies For Ruby is a unique service for families experiencing pregnancy loss in any gestation. It was founded by Elizabeth Petrucelli, SBD, CCCE following achievement of her certification by Stillbirthday as a birth and bereavement doula®. Elizabeth has been passionate about breaking the silence of miscarriage, pregnancy and infant loss since the loss of her daughter in 2010.  She is focused on ensuring families receive compassionate and continual support throughout their loss journey, whether it begins in the home, at your office, or in a doctors office. Another unique offering is the 12-week mentorship program where each week you receive an assignment that helps you work on your healing journey.” Source: Dragon Flies for Ruby Homepage.

Rowan Tree Foundation – Their mission “is to provide ongoing support and resources for families who are coping with the devastating loss of a much-loved child.  We carry out this mission by offering online peer support forums, outreach services, memorial events, education, and awareness opportunities for families dealing with the loss of a child during pregnancy, stillbirth, or infant death.” (Source: Rowan Tree Foundation website, About Us Page)  Located in Parker, CO.

Grief Support Network – “Grief Support Network is a network of wellness providers who share the belief that all people have the power to transform themselves through their grief when they are given enough support, guidance and time to do so.  Our goal is provide individuals and families with services and programs that will support them to heal and experience more gratitude in their lives ” (source: Grief Support Network’s Homepage).  They host monthly “moving through grief together” gatherings.

Child Loss Awareness License Plate – You may choose to purchase a specialized license plate here in Colorado to raise awareness about child loss. Check with your local motor vehicle registrar to see if they have them in stock.  Scroll down this webpage until you see a red plate with a candle on it.

Angel Eyes – Located in Denver, “Angel Eyes is the only statewide organization in Colorado offering short and long term professional bereavement support to families whose lives have been impacted by the sudden, unexpected death of their child.  We offer free professional bereavement counseling, compassionate support, community referrals and support groups to those who are grieving and searching to find meaning after the devastating loss of their precious child.”  (Source: Angel Eye’s webpage, About Us page.)

Still Standing – An on-line magazine for bereaved parents and infertility.

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope – a grassroots organization started by babyloss mamas.  Women are invited to write and submit their personal stories.  The stories are then posted on the website.  They also have a great list of resources and more to their website.

Glow in the Woods– “ Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.” Source: Glow in the Woods Homepage

Refuge in Grief – (not babyloss specific, but awesome grief support) – “If your life has exploded into a million little bits, you don’t need platitudes.  You don’t need cheerleading. You don’t need to be told this all happened for a reason.  Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” Source: Refuge in Grief Homepage

Stirrup Queen– a fabulous resource for people experiencing loss, infertility and choosing adoption.  The creator of the website keeps a list of blogs.  A person can start their own personal blog and submit it here, so other people can find their blog.  And a person can read others’ blogs about babyloss, infertility and adoption.  This link is to the “loss room.”

MISS Foundation – “More than 120,000 children die every year in the United States. Of those, more than 80% die before their first birthday. The MISS Foundation is a 501 (c) 3, volunteer based organization committed to providing crisis support and long-term aid to families after the death of a child at any age, from any cause. MISS also participates in legislative and advocacy issues, community engagement and volunteerism, and culturally competent, multidisciplinary, education opportunities.” (Source: MISS Foundation website)

Share – Provides support, education, and resources for those directly experiencing a loss and for anyone affected by a loss.

Pregnancy After Loss Support –   “Pregnancy after loss is a unique experience of grief and joy that requires recognition from family, friends, peers, and professionals.  PALS supports courageous mamas pregnant again after a loss through connection with peers, awareness in the community, education of providers, and advocacy around the world.” Source: PALS Homepage

It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay by Megan Divine.  An amazing book that normalizes how intense and painful grief really is.  There are also many practical tools suggested to support you on your grief journey.

Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief by Claire Bidwell Smith.  Have you wondered why you’re feeling so anxious after your baby died?  As this books explains, you’re grieving.  Anxiety and grief often go hand-in-hand.  Practical tools about how to work with anxiety are also provided.

An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken.  It’s a short book, “easy” read (minus the obviously heavy topic) where a woman talks about her first baby, who was stillborn around 40-41 weeks.  She also talks about her second pregnancy and the life of her second living son.

Knocked Up, Knocked Down by Monica Murphy LeMoine.  Again, an “easy” read with very short chapters.  I find her writing to be refreshing in an honest, sometimes darkly humorous sort of way.

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, Revised Edition: Surviving the Death of Your Baby by Deborah Davis, PhD. This is a “popular” loss book.  It’s a good, solid book.

Unexpected Goodbye by Angela Rodman.  This is an e-book.  “On May 14, 2010 my daughter, Charlotte, died less than two hours after birth. I felt lost when she died. I felt adrift at sea and incapable of being rescued. I wanted someone to take my hand, tell me what to do and walk with me as I learned how to live without her. I wanted a written guide, but such a thing didn’t exist… This is my guide to life after your baby dies. I’m sorry you need this resource, but hope you can find comfort and peace within these pages.”  (Source: Angela Rodman and her blog Little Bird.)

Molly Bears – This site creates weighted bears for those who have lost children (the bear weighs as much as the baby who died).  It is a unique and special way to remember one’s baby.

Etsy – Many women find memorial jewelry to be a meaningful way to remember their child.  A person could look for and create a hand-stamped ring, bracelet, necklace, etc. with the baby’s name and/or a quote to create something unique and personal to remember their child.