Relationship Counseling

These are the cognitive and behavioral patterns that are created and developed during infancy and early childhood when we implicitly learned how to be in intimate relationships in our family of origin. For example, at one end of the spectrum you may have beliefs of not being worthy, not being good enough, that relationships are always hard and/or no one will ever be there for you. On the other end of the spectrum, you may consistently feel safe and loved in relationships, with the flexibility to work things out when they do go awry. These beliefs and experiences arise from how you learned to orient to relationships as an infant. How you were raised is not your fault, but it is now your responsibility to heal and change if you choose.

When you’re in a relationship, and you’re not sure if you’re staying or going. This in-between space, this space of limbo, this ambivalence can be one of the most challenging times. It is also a time ripe for self-exploration and self-discovery. Let’s get curious together about your ambivalence, and see what it wants you to know. From there you can discern what is your next right step.

Therapy is your time and space to explore and be with your thoughts and feelings as you move through separation and/or divorce. It’s often a time filled with so much – from experiences of relief and joy to deep deep grief that your relationship is shifting and changing. You may have chosen to end the relationship, or you may have wanted to stay. This may feel like a time of empowerment and positive change, and it may feel like a time of deep uncertainty, anger, grief and fear. It probably includes all of that. In our work together, you will find a safe space to work with everything coming up, finding ways to allow emotions to move through you while you navigate the decisions of what comes next.

If you’re in a relationship for any amount of time, you and your relationship will experience life changes. Whether it’s a new job, loss of a job, a move, having a child(ren), experiencing a mental health issue like anxiety or depression, and/or a loss of some type. As the saying goes, the only constant is change. Therapy can help you navigate these changes while getting to know yourself and your partner(s) better, identifying what you want/need as you go through life changes and helping to maintain a connection to yourself, your partner(s), and your relationship.

Whether you’re in a first family, a step family, dating or a single parent, being in relationship as a parent is different than when you were single. Parenting can bring out the best and worst in us.  We often feel a deep love for our child(ren) that compares to nothing else, yet parenting puts us in direct contact with our own childhood issues that have not been resolved, and parenting can escalate problems with our partners due to a lack of sleep, a new baby to care for, new financial concerns,  and a change in moods and identity.  No wonder parenting is hard! Let’s talk about all the ways your relationship(s) are different now that you’re a parent – celebrating the joys and supporting the challenges.

These are often related to our attachment patterns. How we learned to communicate in intimate relationships comes from what we observed, experienced and learned from our care givers growing up. If we experienced intimate relationships full of warmth, transparency, love, acceptance and rupture and repair, we know how to do this as adults. Many of us didn’t have such rich and caring communication growing up, so now we need to learn it an adulthood.

For many of us, boundaries feel like an elusive idea. What are boundaries? I view them as a flexible energetic container from which we feel safe enough to explore the world around us and be in relationship with others without sacrificing or hurting ourselves. A boundary can be physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual and/or mental. A boundary can look different depending on the person and/or situation we are relating with. Boundaries change, just as we do. Therapy is a place to discover what, if any, boundaries you currently have in place and why. From there we can explore if/how they’re working for you and what changes you may want to make. Incorporating mindfulness, spirituality and intuitive tools can help you discern how to create, maintain, and change boundaries as needed.

I have studied and delved into polyamorous/CNM/ENM relationships both professionally and personally. The socially accepted norm of monogamy is growing, changing, shifting, and being challenged. I support clients in exploring their relationship orientation and relationship style choice. For some, their relationship orientation is polyamorous/ENM/CNM. For some, they choose this relationship style. And yet for others, there is a curiosity to discern what works best for them. I assist clients in discovering and consciously claiming their relationship orientation/style, whatever it may be, while honoring it can shift and change.

I view spiritual perspective as anything greater than, a belief in something bigger than any one of us. Language that may be used can include, but is not limited to: goddess, god, universe, creator, greatest and highest good, and supreme being. I hold religion and spirituality as two different things, while the two can go hand in hand. In therapy together we can tap into how you orient spiritually and find ways to use that to support you on your journey, and how it can support your relationship space. This can also include tools to learn to trust your intuition in relationship to yourself and others.  If you do not have a spiritual orientation, we leave this part out of our therapy together.