When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I wrote a blog called Dot’s Diner. Dot was the nickname I gave to my little baby girl while I was pregnant. Today I’m sharing an excerpt from that blog. Currently I’m preparing to lead a Pregnancy After Loss Women’s Circle at A Mom’s Space in Lafayette beginning at the end of May for four weeks. I’m reflecting more on my own pregnancy after loss journey, and putting together a nourishing, authentic space for other babyloss mamas to come together for connection, support and community during their journey. This work is near and dear to my heart. I am deeply honored to be able to share this with other babyloss mamas. Below is a blurb from my own pregnancy after loss journey:
Just Have to Say… written 11/11/2010
My anxiety level is rising again. I see my midwife on Monday afternoon, and already it can’t get here fast enough. I just need to hear this baby’s heartbeat again. Awful thoughts of a dead baby floating around in my uterus. I was hoping this blog space could be mostly happiness and sunshine, but I’m finding that SO HARD to do this pregnancy. And I feel bad for “cheating” Dot out of such an experience. But I talk to Dot, and explain that mama is doing the best she can, and working on lots of stuff now, so I can be the best mom possible when Dot is born.
In other news, I bought my first “thing” for Dot. Two books by Nancy Tillman. I found “On the Night You Were Born” after Acacia died and bought it in memory of her – it was perfect for her. Now for Dot, I bought Nancy’s book “Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You.” I love the words and artwork! Here are the opening words to the book, “I wanted you more than you ever will know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go.” So true, Dot. I want you so much, and love you so much.
